Common signs include changes in eating and weight, neglected hygiene or housekeeping, unopened mail and missed appointments, trouble with bills, pulling away from usual activities, and unsteadiness or falls. Any one sign may mean your parent needs help, so it is worth noticing and taking a next step, even a small one.
Most families do not wake up to a single obvious moment. They notice small things over a few visits and wonder whether they are overreacting. Below is a list of warning signs from a federal aging agency, what each tends to look like in daily life, and a few steps Emiley suggests for what to do next. Nothing here is a diagnosis, and only your parent's doctor can speak to their health.
What Are the Warning Signs That a Parent May Need Help?
The Administration for Community Living (ACL) lists ten warning signs, and says any one of them may signal that an older adult needs help. Here they are grouped by where you are most likely to see them:
Where you may notice it | What it can look like |
|---|---|
Daily routines | Eating less, losing weight, having no appetite, or missing meals. Dirty clothes, body odor, neglected nails and teeth, or sores on the skin. |
The home | A noticeable change in cleanliness and sanitation. |
Memory and paperwork | Unopened mail, piled up newspapers, unfilled prescriptions, or missed appointments. |
Money | Unpaid bills, bills paid twice or more, lost or hidden money, or unusual purchases such as several subscriptions to the same magazine. |
Mood and connection | Being unusually loud, quiet, paranoid, or agitated, or making phone calls at all hours. Friends and neighbors voicing concern. Dropping activities that once mattered, such as a book club, meals with friends, or religious services. |
Physical safety | Burns or injury marks, which the ACL says may come from general weakness, forgetfulness, or misuse of alcohol or prescribed medications. |
You do not need to see all of these. The ACL's own advice is that any one may be worth acting on.
🏠 What Should I Look For When I Visit?
Look past how your parent says they are doing and notice the small, practical details of the house. Our suggestion is to treat a visit like a friendly walk through, not an inspection:
- Check the kitchen. Is there fresh food, and does it look like meals are being made and eaten?
- Look at the mail and the calendar. Are bills opened, and are appointments written down and kept?
- Notice cleanliness. Compare the home to how it usually looks, since a sudden change matters more than a single messy day.
- Pay attention to how your parent moves through the house, including steadiness on stairs and getting up from a chair.
- Notice how they talk about friends and activities they used to enjoy.
Write down what you see, with dates. A short list of specifics makes a later conversation with your parent or their doctor much easier than a general worry.
How Do I Know if Falls Are a Concern?
Falls are common among older adults, and a past fall or feeling unsteady is a reason to bring up with a doctor. A Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) brochure from 2017 states that one in four people 65 and older falls each year. Its self check gives extra weight to two answers: falling in the past year, and using or being advised to use a cane or walker.
Other signs the CDC lists include feeling unsteady when walking, worrying about falling, pushing with the hands to stand from a chair, and taking medicines that cause lightheadedness or fatigue. The CDC suggests talking openly with a doctor about fall risk, reviewing medicines with a doctor or pharmacist, and asking about exercise for leg strength and balance. That is a medical conversation, and we are not the people to have it.
What Should I Do if I Notice These Signs?
Start with a calm conversation, tell your parent's doctor what you have seen, and look up local aging resources. Here are the steps, in the order we suggest:
- Talk with your parent first. Ask open questions about what feels hard lately, and listen before you offer solutions. This is our suggestion, not a requirement.
- Write down what you noticed. Dates and specifics, as described above.
- Tell their doctor. The ACL advises informing the older adult's physician about any physical or psychological changes you observe.
- Call the local aging agency. The ACL points families to the Eldercare Locator at 800-677-1116 for resources that support living independently at home. In Spokane, the Washington Department of Social and Health Services lists Aging and Long Term Care of Eastern Washington as the local Area Agency on Aging for Senior Information and Assistance, at 509-960-7281.
- Decide together, over time. What help looks like is a choice for your parent and family, made with the right professionals.
Does Needing Help at Home Mean a Move Is Coming?
No. Needing help does not automatically mean moving. Some parents stay in their own home with support, some choose a smaller home, and some choose a different living setting. Which fits depends on your parent's health, wishes, and finances, and the care side of that decision belongs with their doctor and the local aging agency.
If you are trying to understand the different levels of senior care, Emiley's Understanding Senior Care Levels guide is a good place to begin.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my parent says they are fine and refuses help? Our suggestion is to ask what they would most want to keep doing, then look at what would make that easier. Starting with their goals usually goes better than starting with your concerns. If the signs are serious or growing, the ACL advises telling their doctor.
What if I live far from Spokane? You can still start from a distance. The Eldercare Locator finds local aging resources by location, and the ACL lists friends and neighbors voicing concern as a warning sign itself, so the people who see your parent day to day may notice changes you cannot. Phone and video calls can also show you how your parent sounds and what their home looks like.
How Can Emiley Help Spokane Families?
If you are not sure what to do first, reach out to Emiley before you make any big decisions. She can share her Care Planning Checklist to help you organize next steps and her Home Safety Checklist to review safety around your parent's home, and she can point you to the Understanding Senior Care Levels guide when you are ready to compare options.
Questions about the house can come later, and when they do, we are glad to help. You can meet the team to get in touch, or read about selling with our team if a sale is ever on your mind.
About the Author
Emiley Rios is the team lead and co-founder of Rios & Co. at eXp Realty, serving Spokane, Washington, and North Idaho. Ranked among the top 1% of local REALTORS®, she specializes in helping moms and families navigate upsizing, downsizing, and major life transitions. With a background in senior living and a commitment to compassionate service, Emiley helps clients find the right home for every stage of life.
This article is for general informational purposes and does not constitute medical, legal, tax, or financial advice.
