Start by sorting your tasks, handing off what others can do, using free or low cost local support, and treating your parent's home as a staged decision instead of an emergency. You are not alone in this position. Pew Research Center defines the sandwich generation as adults who have a living parent age 65 or older and also have a minor child or have financially supported an adult child in the past year. In its latest analysis, about a quarter of U.S. adults (25 percent) fit that definition, and 54 percent of adults in their 40s do. This guide walks through what to take off your plate first, in plain language, with sources.
Quick Reference: What You Can Take Off Your Plate
What feels heavy | What can lighten it |
|---|---|
Not knowing where to start | A call to your local Area Agency on Aging, Aging and Long Term Care of Eastern Washington |
Doing every task alone | A written list of tasks that family or friends can own |
Needing a break | Ask your local Family Caregiver Support Program what help is available |
Missing work | Washington Paid Family and Medical Leave, to care for a family member |
Unclear decision making | Legal paperwork reviewed by a Washington attorney |
The house | A staged plan: gather facts first, decide later |
What Are the Signs of Caregiver Stress?
Washington DSHS lists being tired all the time, changes in eating or sleeping patterns, impatience, a short temper, a hard time making decisions, feelings of hopelessness, guilt, or anxiety, and withdrawing from former activities or spending less time with friends. We are real estate professionals, not clinicians, and this is not a diagnosis. If several of these sound familiar, consider talking to your own health care provider. If you ever feel you cannot cope or may hurt yourself, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, which is available 24 hours a day, every day.
What Can You Take Off Your Plate First?
Start by sorting every task into three piles: only you can do it, someone else can do it, and it can wait. This is a suggested approach, not a medical one. Write the full list down, including appointments, bills, groceries, medications, the house, and calls to family. Then:
- Mark the tasks only you can do, such as conversations with your parent that need your voice.
- Hand off the rest to a sibling, relative, friend, neighbor, or paid help, and let them pick the task they prefer. Washington DSHS advises that if you are at your limit, you should get help and support, and it suggests dividing up responsibilities among other family members.
- Set anything that is not urgent aside for a later date.
If you have siblings, name one person for each task so nothing sits in the middle. Keep the list in a shared note or document so everyone can see what is done.
Where Can Spokane Caregivers Get Help?
Start with Aging and Long Term Care of Eastern Washington, the local Area Agency on Aging that serves Spokane County. Its website lists Caregiver Support Services and an Information and Assistance program. It also points to a free Community Living Connections helpline at 509 960 7281 for information about services that help people age at home. Area Agencies on Aging exist in every Washington county and help older adults plan for and find care, and they also support the family and friends who care for them.
Washington's Family Caregiver Support Program is a service for unpaid caregivers of adults who need care, and it is low cost or free. Local staff can give practical information and advice and connect you to local resources. The state also offers the free Family Caregiver Learning Portal, with skill based training available all day and night. Because services and eligibility vary, ask your local office what applies to your parent and to you.
Can You Take Paid Time Off Work to Care for a Parent?
Possibly. Washington Paid Family and Medical Leave offers paid time off for workers who need time to care for a family member. Whether you qualify depends on the state's eligibility rules, and how much leave is available and how to apply are also set by the state. Check paidleave.wa.gov or call the program before you talk to your employer.
What Paperwork Takes Pressure Off Later?
Confirm who is allowed to make decisions for your parent before a crisis, not during one. If your parent can still make decisions, ask whether they have a power of attorney and a health care directive in place. If they do not, a Washington elder law attorney can explain the options. If nothing has been put in place and your parent cannot decide, RCW 7.70.065 sets an order of who may consent to health care for a person who cannot decide, and it addresses what happens when adult children share the same level. It may help for siblings to talk early. Our article on navigating your parents' senior care for the first time covers this in more detail.
What About Your Parent's Home?
The house is one more decision on the list, and it does not have to be decided today. A staged approach breaks it into smaller steps:
- Gather facts first. Write down what the home costs to keep each month, including taxes, insurance, utilities, and upkeep, and note the repairs you already know about.
- Learn the options. These range from staying put with support, to making the home safer, to moving a parent in with you, to moving to a senior community, to selling the home. Our articles on senior living costs and on mistakes when moving an aging parent cover several of these.
- Know what insurance does not do. According to Medicare.gov, Medicare does not provide long term care coverage or custodial care unless medical care is needed, and Medicare and most health insurance, including Medigap, do not pay for long term care services.
- Decide in order. Decide where your parent will live and what care they need first. Then decide what happens to the house.
How Can Emiley Help Spokane Families With a Parent's Home?
Emiley is a Spokane real estate agent at Rios and Co Real Estate who focuses on senior living transitions and aging in place. She works with families who are helping a parent move to assisted living, memory care, or a smaller home, and with seniors who want to stay in their homes safely. If the house is part of what is weighing on you, she can explain the real estate options and the timeline so you can compare them. Decisions about your parent's care stay with your parent, your family, and your advisors.
What Is One Small Step You Can Take This Week?
Pick one task and hand it off, or make one phone call. For example, call the Community Living Connections helpline and ask what is available for your parent, or write the task list and send it to a sibling.
About the Author
Emiley is a real estate agent at Rios and Co Real Estate in Spokane, Washington. She focuses on senior living transitions and aging in place, and helps families with the real estate side of those decisions.
This article is for general informational purposes and does not constitute medical, legal, or financial advice, and it is not a substitute for care from a health professional. Program availability, eligibility, and legal requirements vary and change. For guidance specific to your situation, consult your health care provider, a licensed Washington attorney, and your local Area Agency on Aging.
